My Brother, My Rival
by Father Hulk
Summary: Mario is falling seriously in love with Peach, and then he finds out that SHE has fallen for Luigi! What will he do to get even? *CH 3 FINALLY UP!!* R/R please!
1. Our story opens

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My Brother, My Rival

By Father Hulk

OPENING WORDS: Hello, my children. I am Father Hulk, and I am a preacher of the St. Eva Church. I am here to entertain you with my writing. So let's get started with a Mario story I wrote, with minor crossovers. Please note that these characters are not my property, nor are they property of the St. Eva Church. Enjoy!

WOOSH!

In a red blur, Mario streaked down from the sky, glided over Mushroom Land, and set lightly to a stop in front of the castle. After he dusted off his overalls, he went inside.

"Peach! I'm back!"

"Oooh, did you get it?" she squealed, running into the main hall.

With a grin, Mario passed her a bag labeled "World 7 Rental Co."

"Ohh, thank you!" Peach hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I appreciate you going all the way to World 7-3 to get it."

"Well, I guess the other rental places don't like carrying this kind of stuff." Said Mario as Peach removed her movie, "Beavis and Butthead Do Alderaan" from the bag.

"I'm going to go watch it right now!" she said, running into the den.

Mario smiled. He didn't mind that Peach didn't say thank you. It was worth it just to be in her presence. He was going to ask her to dinner tonight… it would be their first serious date. Thinking of food, Mario went to the kitchen to whip up a Pasta Fazzule, but Yoshi was already within, hustling and bustling about.

"Yoshi, I want to use the kitchen." Mario said.

"And I want Nintendo to make a female version of me, but hell, we can't get everything we want, can we?" the Dinosaur replied without looking up.

Mario cracked his knuckles. "Yoshi, I'm gonna count to zero…"

Yoshi looked up and wagged a green finger. "Ah, ah, aaah… threaten me you wouldn't, if know of the knowledge I have, you did."

Mario raised his eyebrows. "Wha?"

Yoshi quickly resumed cooking. "Nevermind."

"Yoshi, do you know something that I don't know?"

"No."

Mario looked suspicious. "Then what were you…"

"I know TONS of stuff you don't know! Ah, ha, ha, ha!"

"Is it about ME?" Mario asked.

"Maybe."

"Is it bad?"

"Maybe."

"Are you kidding?"

"Maybe."

Mario groaned. "Yoshi, PLEASE tell me…"

A voice interrupted them. "Holy shmata, what smells-a so good?" Wario rumbled, waddling in.

"It's my special stew." Yoshi answered. "It'll be done in about 2 hours."

__

"Ah, de fatcha brutay!" Wario spat.

"Unless I have some help." Yoshi added with a sly grin.

"I'm-a in!" Said Wario, throwing an apron around his waist.

"I need to use the kitchen!" Mario screamed.

"You'll just have to wait." Said Yoshi.

"Yeah, go tickle some Goombas or somethin." Wario said.

With a scowl on his face, Mario walked past Peach's room, where she was watching her movie.

"Heheheheh, Alderaan is COOL! Heheh!"

"Huhuhuhhuh, shut up, Beavis… it's gonna be destroyed soon… and stuff."

"Hehehe, RULE! Heheh!"

Mario decided not to disturb her now. Instead, he decided to go visit his brother, Luigi, in SubCon. Being miffed at not being put in Super Mario 64, Luigi ran away to SubCon, where he had stayed ever since. (I know, I know… here comes all the Luigi's Mansion evidence. My children, remember how Yoda was simply another special effect in Star Wars AOTC? Same thing.) 

And so, he took his cape from the hook by the door, ran down the courtyard, and flew to the airport, where he got in Sky Pop and took off.

Meanwhile, in a totally different video game universe…

Ryu Bateson had just returned to Gate after defeating Deathevan, and was inspecting the church. He heard a pounding on the closet door, and he opened it and an old man came tumbling out. Then, like Marshall Mathers did before him, the _REAL _Father Hulk stood up.

"Who are you?" Ryu asked, jumping back.

"Oh… destined child… I am Father Hulk. How long has it been?"

"I don't know…" Ryu answered. "Father Hulk, what will you do now that St. Eva is destroyed?"

"What, what, WHAT???"

And Ryu proceded to tell him the story of Breath of Fire part 2, with 4-part harmony and all the phenomena…

"Oh dear…" Hulk whispered, scratching his beard. "Well, I guess I'll stay in this village for now. If you ever need my services, don't hesitate to let me know."

"Okay." 

Meanwhile, in SubCon…

Luigi was bored. Today was Monday, and there was nothing to do. On Tuesday, there was the movie of the week, sponsored by the Mouser Movie Corps… on Wednesday, there was the South Park fan club… and on Friday, there was the Super Mario Bros. 2 tournaments, to see how good you were at navigating your homeland. But Monday… Monday… can't trust that day.

Seeing as how there was absolutely NOTHING to do, Luigi decided to pay his friends and brother in Mushroom Land a visit. So he took a cab to the Pidgit Carpet Rental Service, went on down, stopped on by, hopped a carpet and flew off into the sky.

Mario cruised the sky between Mushroom Land and SubCon, listening to his D.V.D.A album when suddenly he saw a shadow appear in the gap between the clouds and come streaking towards him at blinding speed.

"Yikes!" Mario swerved just in time to miss a guy on a carpet go blazing past.

"Crazy drunk carpet riders…" he grumbled, regaining altitude as the door leading to SubCon came into view.


	2. Stew and stuff

CHAPTER 2

"Hello? Anybody home?" said Luigi, walking into Mushroom Castle. His voice echoed off the high stone ceiling. The place seemed to be empty.

Suddenly, out of the shadows, a large animal leapt at him, tackling him to the ground.

"Ahhhh!" Luigi screamed, "Don't kill me! I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" A strangely familiar voice said. "Anything at all?"

"Y-y-yes!"

"Fine." A spoon appeared from the beast's hand. "Tell me if this needs more salt."

"Huh?"

With a hysterical laugh, Yoshi got off Luigi, and Wario stepped from the kitchen, laughing a deep, bellowing laugh.

"Yoshi, that wasn't funny!" Luigi screamed, dusting himself off.

"Oh yeah? Then what is Wario doubled over back there for?" the Dinosaur replied with a smirk. "Come on, don't be a baby. Have some stew."

"Well, I really came here to hang with Mario." Said Luigi, looking around. "Is he here?"

"Mario? He is not around." Said Yoshi. "He may be with the princess, however. Last I heard, he was going to ask her to go steady with him."

"Well good for him." Said Luigi, and he went off to the Princess's room.

He creaked the door open quietly. Peach was asleep, breathing slowly. The TV was still on, with some Beavis and Butthead movie playing. He watched her for a moment, decided it was best not to wake her, and tiptoed away.

"Is he there?" Yoshi asked.

"No. I don't know where he is."

"Eh, well…" said Wario, a ton of stew dripping from his massive jaw, "'ees only yer brother, dontcha know. Can take care of 'imself. Kickin the crap outta Bowser I dunno how many times should be a sign o' that."

"You're probably right." Said Luigi.

"Stay for lunch." Said Yoshi, more of an order than an invitation.

"I guess it couldn't hurt. The giant vegetables in my yard won't be ready until next week."

And so Luigi sat down and talked the afternoon away with a green dinosaur and a fat man in purple overalls.

Meanwhile, aboard the Star Destroyer _Avenger_…

"Lord Vader!" said Admiral Piett, approaching the Sith Lord.

"What is it, Admiral?"

"My Lord, the fleet has moved out of light speed. ComScan has detected a swirling portal into another dimension. If we continue at our present speed, we will be sucked into it in about 5 minutes."

"Contact Admiral Ozzel. Tell him to move the ship in the opposite direction immediately."

Admiral Piett gulped. "Um, my Lord…"

"Do as I say, Admiral."

"Y-yes, my Lord." Piett hurried out of the chamber, wondering if Vader remembered he had killed Ozzel about 20 minutes ago.

Apparently he didn't, because in 5 minutes, the ship gave a horrible lurch as it was sucked into the portal. Muttering swear words in 10,000,000 forms of communication (Eat your heart out, 3PO), Vader fell unconscious under the toilet.

Meanwhile, in SubCon…

Mario landed lightly in front of the entrance to SubCon. He took off his cape and put it in his pocket, then stepped through the door.

"Well, looky who's back." Said the Shyguys as he jumped down the cliffs. "Our leader is gone. Why have you returned?"

"To see my brother."

"Oh, you mean the GOOD version of you?"

"Blow me." Mario shot back as he reached Luigi's house.

"Yo! You here, my brotha? I meanin' that literally now. Hello?"

He opened the door and peeked in. It was empty. Pizza boxes and bottles of Pepsi were all over the place, and the HotNet movie guide was on the coffee table. Mario figured Luigi was probably just out, getting some salad dressing or something, so he decided to wait for him. He picked up the HotNet guide.

"Hmm… this looks pretty good." He picked up the remote and ordered "F*cking and Fire Flowers."

Meanwhile, back in Mushroom Land…

Yoshi, Luigi, and Wario were playing SSBM in the den when Peach walked in, yawning.

"Good morning." said Luigi with a smile.

"Ah, 'eets more like afternoon, now." said Wario.

"Good whatever to all of you." said Peach, her voice angelic. "Where's Mario?"

"No idea." said Yoshi.

"He said he had something to ask me… I guess he went out for some air."

"Yah, dat'd be Mario, aight. 'Eee needs 'is excersie, cos my man is getti'n so fat, dontcha know." Wario said.

"Luigi, you look good. Did you get a haircut?"

"Nope. I got em all cut." Luigi cracked.

"Haw, haw, haw!" Wario doubled over with laughter, dropping his GCN controller.

"You're funny." Peach giggled. "Your brother never tells any good jokes."

Luigi blushed.

"It's always good to have a comedian in the family, isn't it?" Peach continued, putting her hand on Luigi's shoulder.

"Uhhhh…"

"How sad… the plumber can't take a hint." Yoshi whispered to Wario, who nodded.

"Well, I have some stuff to do upstairs, if any of you need me." Peach winked at all of them, then walked upstairs.

"You know what she was really saying, don't you?" Yoshi said to Luigi with a wry grin.

"No. What?"

"She's sayin' she wants ya ta go up thar, and do some fun stuff, cos she gots the hots fer ya, dontcha know." Wario told him.

Luigi snorted. "Yeah, whatever. As IF!" Suddenly catching himself in another decade, he resumed playing SSBM, not saying another word.


	3. Peach's Hints

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Chapter 3

Luigi went to use the bathroom on the upstairs floor of the castle when Peach called to him.

"Luigi, could you come here for a moment?"

Luigi walked towards the voice to find Peach trying to set up her Playstation 2. 

"I just can't seem to set this up right." She said.

Luigi, who had always been the TRUE handyman, started poking around the back of the Princess's television.

"You don't have an RF outlet." He said finally. "You need one."

"Well can you get me one?" she asked.

"No, I can make one. Give me ten minutes."

Luigi set off to the workshop, and within ten minutes he came back with a small box, and he hooked it into the back of the TV, and the PS2 logo came up on the screen.

"Oh, thank you!" she squealed, hugging Luigi. "I always knew that you were good with your hands!"

Luigi blushed a bit. He reluctantly pulled away. "It was nothing."

"And modest, too! My, my… I'd think it'd be hard to tell you were related to Mario."

Wario's words came rushing back to Luigi.

__

"She wants ya ta go up there and do some fun stuff, cos she gots the hots fer ya, dontcha know."

"Peach, do you need to tell me something?" Luigi asked, deciding it was now or never.

Peach became nervous. "Um, well actually… I was just going to ask you if you like, wanted to go get some dinner tonight or something. I mean, it looks like Mario isn't coming back, so I thought…"

"I'd love to."

Peach's eyes widened. "You would? Cool! See you tonight then!"

Luigi forced a smile, then returned down to the den.

"So what's the deal? Didja get down by the fire?" Yoshi asked.

"No."

"'ey, Yoshi n' me are gonna be goin' to the Mushroom Cocktail Tavern tonight. Wanna come with?"

Luigi frowned. "Nope. Can't."

Yoshi grinned. "Ah ha! They have plans!"

"Who has plans?"

"Why, you and the princess!" Yoshi and Wario slapped the high-five. "I knew it! She wants him!"

"No, no, you guys!" Luigi puts his hands up. "Let me explain!"

"We knew it! We knew it!"

"I'm telling you, it's nothing!"

"Okay then," Yoshi said, "We'll ask Peach to go with us, since you two don't have plans."

"NO!"

Yoshi pretended to be surprised. "What's the matter Luigi?"

Luigi sighed. "Okay, okay… she just wants to get dinner tonight, but that's it! There's nothing more behind it, there's nothing more to it! Okay?"

Yoshi and Wario looked at each other, then Yoshi grinned and said, "Okay! Cool!"

Meanwhile, in Colorado…

A group of four boys was walking down the street in a quiet mountain town known as South Park. There was Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McKormick.

"Hey guys, my parents wanted to invite you all over for a Hannukah dinner!" Kyle said. "You want to come?"

"I'll come." Stan said.

"Me too." Kenny said. (At least that's what it sounded like.)

"What about you, Cartman?"

Cartman turned up his nose. "No, I'm sorry… Jew holidays are so lame."

"You're lame, too, Cartman!"

"I'm seriously! Their holiday is about a candle burning in a war, or some garbage! Our holiday is about a cute little baby like me!"

Kenny said, (translated) "He may be a baby, but he's not cute and little."

Stan and Kyle cracked up. "Good one, Kenny."

"You piece of crap! I'm gonna pound your head in!" Cartman growled, but before he could do so, a swirling green portal opened behind Kenny.

"What are you guys looking at?" Kenny asked.

Stan said, "Um, don't turn around."

Kennu turned around, and screamed as the portal sucked him in. Before the others could call the portal a bastard, they got sucked in as well.

They crash landed on a green hill in a land that _definitely _wasn't South Park. Kenny was there and was still okay, but they had no idea where they were. Before any of them could say anything, they saw a big man in black armor walk up to them and stand over them menacingly.

"Dude, this is pretty f*cked up right here." Kyle said.


End file.
